I really am a hopeless case… I feel as if I’ll never get anywhere in life. At this rate, I’ll just wither up and die or something… (I wish that would be the case). So they say it’s useless to think of suicide, that it’s not the answer, that I have to do what I want to, to gra the reigns of my life and fight for what I want.

But I have no spirit in me and I have no idea what I want out of life. I can’t live forever off my parents, specially if I live afar from them, and I certainly cannot make money off drawings and pixel art, not as I stand now. So what do I do?

No idea.

So, as you see, I feel as if I’m in limbo. Most of the time and on other pages I’m just happy and carefree, posting drawings, comments, adding people to my devwatches, dolling… but I can’t seem to really sit down and do something productive, or get up and go to classes. At this rate, I’ll flunk all of them again, and then my parents are gonna eat me alive…

Rating: (*)(*)(*)(.)(.)

Opinion: I really liked this movie, I had been wanting to see it for a long time now, and when my mom mentioned it since she had seen it on tv, I decided to rent it out with Xae and watch it (finally…). It was fun, mixes good doses of action, hacker movement and suspense into it, and leaves a few things for you to think about once it’s over. The flow of the movie is smooth in my opinion, and I didn’t even want to get up to go to the bathroom towards the end, even though I could have stopped it. Not a masterpiece, but a good pick to see during the weekend with friends or family.

Category: Action
Director: Dominic Sena
Actors: John Travolta, Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry
Duration: 111 Minutes (Aprox.)
Rating: R for violence, language and some sexuality/nudity.

More Info

Disclaimer: These are my own opinions about the film, and are based on my likes.

Well, I was finally pushed into downloading Maple Story, and so spent a whole night playing it with Xaethos. My character is called Arcadia, for anyone that is interested in finding me in-game, Xae’s char is called Xaethos (so original ). We both made ourselves thieves, which we later found out to be the toughest choice.

Xaethos and Arcadia

Besides that, we saw Swordfish, and I polished the webpage that I’m doing for Lemontech, according to the mail they sent me earlier in the week.

It’s been a very cold and wet day, we even had a bit of hail and one really big thunderclap a while ago. Supposedly it’s spring here, and it’s really strange for it to be so cold this late into the year, but it sure is doing a good job at making it freezing!

When Xae called this morning at 8 am to ask me if I had classes early, I knew I’d have problems… I didn’t of course, I only have early classes on tuesday and wednesdays… so I knew there was a big chance that he’d be coming over. And I was right, because a few minutes later, the bell rang. I was reealy sleepy, so I opened the door and got back into bed. He was quick to crawl into bed with me.

We slept till around 11 am, when his mother called, and then cuddled till past our only class start time. So we both missed classes today. In exchange we had fun in bed, and then saw anime on my computer. Had a spartan lunch, and then we went out to buy manga. I got him a tome of Black Jack for his birthday and he bought himself the other two tomes he was missing.

I got myself one tome of Rurouni Kenshin for my collection, and then we stopped at Burger King before heading back. I still haven’t made that call… just goes to show how much I keep to my goals… Mom’s gonna kill me because I haven’t called him yet.

On other topic, Xae got me a Deviantart Subscription yesterday, it was a surprise gift and made me really happy. I’ve delved into all the cool features I now have access to, and even used the search function, which resulted in me adding around 5 more people to my devwatch list. I was really happy, and surprised at the gift.

I managed to get myself to universidy today, albeit I was 40 minutes late to my first class, and ultimately did not find the classroom, and so missed my first class all the same. I was starving, so I made my way to the cafeteria and got myself something to eat and some coffee.

I spent the next two hours reading Betrayal at Krondor, finishing the book only 10 minutes ago. As I lef the cafeteria some thoughts assaulted me. I feel the same as I did in my last year of school. As if I no longer belong here, and am simply revisiting a place I would come to study. I think my time in uni is coming to an end, even though I have not finished my career. Maybe I’m just not destined to complete my studies, maybe it’s time for me to find a way to shorten them.

I also feel that with my talents and abilities, I cannot work here in Chile. Maybe I should go back to Canada, the birthland of my father, and look for opportunities there. I’m not sure what the future holds, but I think that I must decide soon, for I feel I will not be long in abandoning this road. I’ll probably talk with Xaethos about this, not with my parents just yet… not untill I have a clearer picture myself. But I do think I owe someone an explanation, so I have an important call to make after my evening classes.

I will continue to come to classes the rest of the year and try to make the best of what is left of the semester. I know I am in dire danger of fuking many of my courses for lack of attendance and dedication, but I just might scrape a pass. I know it may be important for whatever I do from here on out, as my mom told me yesterday, and that must spurr me on to finish well this semester.

That means shouldering my responsabilities and missing no classes from here on out, and that is something I have to decide firmly on, else I falter when the time comes to leave the house. I’ve been too attached to my computer so far and that’s been keeping me from living my life. I guess I realize I simply can’t walk down the path of self-destruction, because I might take down the people around me on my way.

Let’s hope that my new disposition is strengthened with my posting here, because sometimes I wonder at my ability to talk so much and never put things to action. I must mature and face the world, because the world will not come looking for me in my sheltered mind.